My Escape
by timeless13
Summary: Everybody has graduated, leaving Kisa alone. Everyday she wishes for a way out into the world with the rest of her friends, but will she ever find it? KisaHaru
1. This isn't what I wanted

Disclaimer: don't own blah blah blah

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It was raining. Hard. Just like it had been for two weeks. The sky was an even grey, there was no wind, no sleet, no snow, now thunder or lightning...just...rain...

A golden headed girl took her shoes off as she quietly opened the door to her home. Well, her current home anyway. Drenched, she escaped the thick coat weighing her down. Not a sound from the rest of the house. Shigure was at the lake visiting Ayame. Kisa couldn't go because of school, so the house was empty. She sighed tiredly as she made her way to the kitchen and put the water on to make tea. No homework...only the house and the rest of the day to be with her thoughts.

"_This isn't what I wanted...the house never used to be empty, it was so...alive...why couldn't I have been here for that instead? This isn't what I want...I don't want to be alone here..._"

She was 16, a sophmore at Kaibara High School. Yuki and Tohru had graduated two years before hand, and were at college. Kyo moved back in with Kazuma to continue his training. Haru and Momiji had just graduated and left that summer, though neither of them was interested in college. Things were tense at the main house, what with so many of the zodiac members being gone, and Kisa couldn't handle that and highschool, so she moved in with Shigure. It was better than life at the main house, especially since she had grown apart from her mother considerably, but it was definitely different than it had been with Yohru, Yuki, and Kyo there. She missed them.

"_Why do I have to be the youngest...?" _She thought to herself sadly as she poured her tea. She wished every day of her life that some one would come back for her, tell her that it was a mistake and they never meant to leave her behind at all. Some one to take her out into the world where she could wear what she wanted, say what she wanted, and be who she wanted to be.

"_This family is like a prison. Oh sure I can go to the school I want, but they're still watching me. I'm away from the main house but Shigure...well, Shigure doesn't have a choice, I don't blame him. But still...I guess I can't blame them all for getting away when they could...I just wish I wasn't the last one to get there..._"

A tear slid down her face, the rain continued to beat down on the roof of her bedroom, the cold grey covering her window.

"_Two years...how can I do it...? Two years of being here, guarded, watched, crushed...How can I..."_

Kisa shook her head and sipped her tea. She couldn't think like that. That kind of thinking wouldn't get her anywhere, certainly not out of the Sohma's grasp. She walked down the staris to the kitchen silently and put her cup in the sink.

"_I guess I'll just go for a walk..."_

She put her other coat on with determination and grabbed an umbrella from the shelf. After all, it was just rain.

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Other chapters will be longer. please review, tis much appreciated! 


	2. Wash me away

Reviews are VERY MUCH appreciated, thank you thank you thank you reviewers!

BTW, this first part is a memory.

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"_What? What do you mean you're moving?!" _

_A baffled 14-year-old Kisa asked her friend Hiro._

"_It wasn't my idea! I don't want to go at all!" _

_He sad angrily. He wasn't angry at Kisa, but at the fact that he had to move and there was nothing he could do about it. His mother had just told him that morning about how Akito had instructed them to move to the hot springs to help maintain the house and gardens. Hiro's mother had assured him that he could still come back and visit, but he and Kisa both knew that it wouldn't be the same. _

"_This isn't fair! They can't just pack me up and move me whenever they feel like it! Who do they think they are! This is ridiculous! They didn't once stop to ask what I thought, not once!" _

_Hiro yelled at the wall, his back to Kisa who was sitting on her bed. To anybody else he would sound like an emotional teenager, angry and rebellious, but Kisa knew him better than that. She knew he was devastated and crushed to be leaving. She knew he felt lost and afraid, unable to change anything that was happening. And she knew that he was yelling at her walls because he was going to miss her the most._

_She stood up and hugged him, tears flowing from her eyes. _

"_I'll miss you too Hiro."_

_Hiro put his arms around her and closed his eyes, holding his dear Kisa for the last time._

_For the first few months they kept their friendship up. They wrote letters, talked on the phone, and visited whenever they could. But they were both right, it wasn't the same. Over time they drifted apart, communicating less and less until one day it just stopped._

_

* * *

_

Kisa raised her face to the sky and let the rain wash it. Thinking of Hiro always saddened her. She didn't pretend that she didn't regret losing touch, but she couldn't hold on forever. She couldn't keep him tied to her when it seemed they had no future, and as much as it hurt, she'd had to let him go.

All she could hear was the rain and her footsteps as she walked along the wooded path. After awhile she came to a small clearing. There was a large patch of weeds in the middle that still retained the vague shape of a square.

"_Just another thing I missed..."_

Kisa turned around and began walking home slowly. All she could think about was the daunting task before her...to exist under the pressure of the Sohma house for two more years.

"_And then what? I'll still be cursed! I'll never be able to be in love...I may never have a family or anything...I'll just stay alone..."_

The thought weighed down on her, growing and growing until it was like a stone on her heart and mind, squeezing the last bits of hope and strength out of her. There was no point. There was no reason she could see to keep fighting, struggling against things that she could never change. The only thing that was real was the rain, and it seemed it was trying to wash her away. She made up her mind. No tears, no fear. She knew that Shigure kept sleeping pills in his bathroom. When she got home she would end it. No more sadness. No more loneliness. She broke into a run, the rain urging her on. It engulfed her, surrounded her, filling her thoughts. It was soothing, loving almost.

This was it...this was the only way...

She threw the door open, rushing in still in her shoes and coat. She started to run to Shigure's bathroom.

"_So close...just a little further..."_

She was almost there, when the last thing on earth she had expected to happen happened.

"Shigure, where the hell is all your food?" A voice called from the kitchen.

Kisa froze, her heart pounding. She turned stiffly, wide-eyes to face the kitchen.

A white and black haired boy stared at her from the doorway.

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hmm...so, not very long as it turns out. but longer than the first one! i think...oh well, anyways, please review! 


	3. Wooden Stairs

thank you guys for reviewing, and a wonderful new year to all of you too!

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Kisa's mind was totally blank. She could not think of a single thing to say. It sounded like waves crashing down in her head, mixing every panicked thought into one terrible creature, unrecognizable to human ears. She tried to move her mouth as her eyes filled with tears. Desperate and terrified tears.

Unable to think or speak to try to explain herself, Kisa did the only thing she could do. She ran to her room, slamming the door behind her and locking it. For one wild moment she even considered pushing her desk in front of the door to block it before rationality started to catch back up with her.

"_Oh god, what have I done..."_

The tears broke free, bringing racking, painful sobs with them. She had to fight to breathe.

"_He saw me...he saw me just before I was about to...oh my god, what was I about to do..."_

Kisa clenched her head in her hands, horrified by her previous thoughts.

"_Who am I...?"_

She trembled as she cried silently now, the angry rain beating against her window.

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Hatsuharu Sohma stood still in the doorway, confused and shocked.

"_Why was she crying...?"_ was the first sensible thought he had.

He felt a sharp pain in his heart to see her look so sad.

"_I haven't seen her look that sad since she was twelve. And yet...this is different...deeper, maybe..."_

Haru shook his head, realizing he had no idea what was going on.

"_What is Kisa doing here anyway, is she actually living with Shigure? I haven't heard any news from the Sohma house in months..."_

Haru walked back into the kitchen in a daze. He slid down to sit on the floor with his back against the cabinets.

"_She's changed since I saw her last spring...She looks so much older...and tired..."_

He sighed heavily.

"_Oh Kisa...Why are you crying...?"_

_

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_

Kisa paced back and forth in her small room. It was painted a light cream color with yellow trim, "like sunshine", she had thought to herself when she was picking the colors. There were pictures of her friends and relatives on the walls, and her mother had bought her a new white bed for her new room. All in all, it was a cheery place to be in. But it brought her no comfort now. She could not, for the life of her, come up with a plan about what to do. Her mind kept inventing crazy ideas like escaping out the window and running away to America, or living in her room until she was on the brink of starving to death and had to get out.

"_What on earth am I going to say to him?? I looked like a crazy person, soaking wet and crying! And then running from him! How am I supposed to explain that?!"_

The 16-year-old let out a frustrated and tearful breath.

"Why do you have to be here now?!"

She said out loud.

"Why not yesterday? Yesterday would have been perfect...," she muttered quietly, thinking back on the previous day.

It had been the second day Shigure was away, and she was lonelier than ever. She was praying the whole way back from school for somebody to be at the house. Anybody. Even if it was just Shigure's editor trying to find him, Kisa would have given anything not to be alone. Now she was in full panic mode because there was some one else in the house.

Kisa sat down on her bed, flustered and at a loss for what to do. Laying on her back, she stared at the ceiling.

"Maybe I will just stay in here forever..."

* * *

"_I should go talk to her..."_

Haru stood slowly, trying to imagine what he would say. Realizing he had no idea, he gave up and concentrated purely on walking up the wooden steps. He stopped in front of her door and tried once more to plan his words...Nothing. Haru swallowed, hoping for the best. He took a deep breath, and knocked on the door.

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oh, cliffhanger, how cool am i. lol. yay it's actually a little longer this time! review, tell me what you think! peace and happiness to you all.


	4. The Door

thank you reviewers!

Different Child: hey doll! what's up, i haven't talked to you in ages? thank you for reading this, it took me long enough to start writing again eh. and yeah, i definitely need to do that, but i'm having trouble since they aren't actually interacting right now..it should get better after this chapter though.

The Black Spider: lol nope, hiros' not dead. thanks for reviewing!

Aqua, JennyKim319, and BrookeLong: thank you guys for reading this!

if anybody has any ideas on how to make this story better let me know! that includes constructive criticism, tips, plot ideas, anything. thanks!

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Kisa's heart stopped at the sudden sound. The knocking broke through the walls of silence in her room. She felt safe in the silence. That was where she knew it was just her, no one else, and so nothing could hurt her. Her room provided a dwelling place for that silence, and it was the only thing calming her down at the moment. Here she was safe...here she was alone...

But the hard sound of bone on wood invaded her safety, sending her mind fleeing into a dark corner of consciousness. Once again, she was plunged into a panic. Her breathe came in shallow swallows, when she managed to breath at all. Kisa remained laying there, frozen to her bed, unable to move while she waited. The seconds after that awful knock stretched out for her like train tracks, going on forever and ever behind and you as well as in front. A million lifetimes, each one full of dread and fear, filled her head. It was too much. She could feel her own pulse in every part of her body. Her heart sounded like a drum in her ears, irregular and startling. As it tried to escape from the cage of her chest, she lay still, waiting and fearing what would happen next.

* * *

Silence...

'_Why isn't she answering...?'_

Hatsuharu stood still, praying for Kisa to answer the door.

'_She should at least say something. Where is she?'_

A deep worry slowly seeped into theback of his mind. So many things could be the reason she wasn't responding. The black and white haired boy tapped his foot quietly, trying to release his nervousness. So many things could have happened...

He inhaled shakily, his dread mounting quickly.

'_Why isn't she answering??'_

The silence carried on, each second dripping more worry into his heart. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore, and spoke.

"Kisa? Are you there?"

* * *

'_His voice...it hasn't changed...'_

Kisa closed her eyes and took a deep breath. His words though the door somehow had a calming effect on her. By no means was she free of her fear, but at least she found herself able to get up. Sitting still for a moment on the edge of her bed, she gradually started thinking clearly.

'_I can't just let him stand out there like that.'_

She started to stand up, but stopped again quickly.

'_But what am I going to say? What if he asks me why I was crying? Or what I was doing out in the rain, or why I ran away from him?!'_

Kisa could feel herself slipping and forced a deep breath.

Slowly, she stood up. She walked to the door, trying to control her breathing. When she reached the door she paused, her small hand inches from the handle.

'_What will he say...? I can't tell him...what I was about to do...ever. I'll make something up, he just can't know. Not him...'_

She was trembling as she stood there, staring at the silver colored door handle.

'_If I open the door...-'_

"Kisa?"

Hatsuharu's voice penetrated through the wooden wall between them, reminding her how close he was. Kisa stopped trembling as she envisioned his face. Sighing, Kisa realized that she actually wanted to see him, The world slowed down, and her heartbeat echoed in time with her breathing.

'_Whatever happens...will happen...here goes...'_

She turned the door handle slowly, opening the door to what was waiting for her on the other side.

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k, another chapter, yay! REVIEWREVIEWREVIEWREVIEWREVIEW! it really is hard to find motivation to write if it appears nobody is reading it, so even if you don't have anything interesting to say please review just to let me know i should keep writing. REVIEW!

peace, happines to all


	5. Alone is not a Home

Aqua: lol, you're welcome! i love getting reviews, it's how i keep up the motivation to kep posting my stuff on here, and i know it's fun to get feedback on feedback (that sounds a little confusing...sorry...) so yeah! i'm not really sure, i guess it's just because it's a lot easier to keep kisa in character (as much as possible for a fanfic) if she's written as depressed, it just seems natural, you know? i'm thinking now of writing one where she's stronger and like, haru or hiro gets depressed and she has to help them, that would be kinda cool...? and that idea came totally from your review! thank you! i will ponder this new story idea...anyways, thanks for you reviews! wow, that was long, geez, i need to get on with it don't i... 0 0

Aminch: thanks for reviewing! and saying it's a great story!

JennyKim319: muahahaha! yep, cliffhangers are my friends. that's what i use when i'm tired of writng but need a way to stop that isn't just bad writing, lol. thanks for reviewing!

rouge: yay! thank you!

ok, here we go with another chapter

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The 18-year-old's eyes widened as he watched the handle turn. This was it...

(memory)

"_Of course we'll come back to visit!"_

_Momiji's bright smile seemed to light everything up._

"_We can't just leave you here with all these boring old people! Don't be silly!"_

_The golden haired girl smiled, although her tears were still perched on the brims of her eyees, as she said goodbye to her friends. Momiji and Hatsuharu were both leaving on the same day, seeing as how they were taking the same train._

_Haru awkwardly hugged her goodbye._

"_You'll be ok. Call me if you need anything, ok? Or tell some one here at least, if something's wrong. Just make sure you speak up, you know? Or something. Ok?"_

_Though time had passed since her problems as a 12-year-old, he still worried from time to time._

_His fumbling goodbye made Kisa want to cry even more._

"_I'll miss you,"_

_she said quietly. The thought of those two being gone...was unfathomable. Cheerful, friendly Momiji who could always make her smile. Deep, steady Hatsuharu who had looked out for her for as long as she could remember. Who had found her, cold and alone, in the rain_ _when nobody else could. How could she go on without them...?_

_Yet here they were, waiting for their train._

"_Oh, I see it! I see it!"_

_Momiji exclaimed loudly. He had grown up, yes, but the bubbly little boy was definitely still there._

"_Be careful you two. And good luck out there._"

_Hatori smiled a little bit in his eyes. He would never admit it, but he was quite proud of the two Sohma boys, Momiji especially._

_They got on the train, leaving Kisa waving next to Hatori. As Haru got on, he turned to look at Kisa one last time._

"_Don't worry."_

_He mouthed to her, smiled, and boarded._

_And with that, they were gone. It was just Kisa now, waving as her tears fell on the empty pavement, as she watched two of the most important people in her life move on._

(end memory)

'_I left her here...alone...It was me...'_

Haru suddenly dreaded facing what was on the other side of the moving door. Here she had been, alone for all these months, and it was because of him. He had never, not once, truly tried to find the time to write or call or come visit her.

'_What must she think of me...? How could she stand me after what I did? Oh god...'_

The door swung open. Chocolate locked with ash, and the whole world seemed to fade away around them.

'_This...him...He was what I was about to give up...How could I...?'_

Kisa's voice caught in her throat when she tried to open her mouth. It was too much...He was here, after so much time, and she had come so close to giving up everything...

"Kisa..."

Haru whispered, his own emotions overcoming him. All he could see was her eyes. Her deep, sad eyes...and yet they still shone with hope...that last, desperate bit of hope she had clung to for so long...He couldn't believe how beautiful they were...

He embraced her. It was all he could do, the only thing that felt right. It was as if he had to hold her tight enough to make up for all the time he hadn't been there. This had to mean enough to make it ok...to make her ok...

Kisa collapsed into him, recognizing that same protective and caring body she had known all her life.

'_He's here...He's finally here...'_

Her tears spilled, out of regret and fear and the overwhelming feeling of the entire day. But they were tears of something else too, something more pure than she had felt in a long time. Her tears were of joy, and for a moment, Kisa knew that she was home.

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hmm...so what do you think? i've been sick all weekend, and that's my excuse if you don't like it. REVIEW! reviews are good, they make writiers happpy and what's more, they make writiers feel like continuing they're stories, so if you're even slightly curious to see were this goes, then review! thanks

peace, happiness


	6. River Dog part 1

Aqua: yeah, he bugs me too. i mean, i feel sorry for him and all, but still, he doesn't have to be such a brat. so whenever i write it, it'll be about haru i'm sure...anyways, thanks for reviewing!

Moonlight: loneliness sucks, and it seemed like the most likely thing to write about with her, so yeah. it is really sad how families/friends grow apart though...aaw, thanks! the details-slowness-emotion thing is actually something i'm trying to cut back on, i get distracted in my little descriptions a little too easily...**:-/** lol. thanks for reviewing!

summerbluez: yeah i know, i wish more people wrote them together, but oh well, it makes me feel special! **:-**P thanks for reviewing!

sorry it took so long peoples, review review review!

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He was warm...that was the biggest thing that Kisa noticed about him. It covered her, bringing her back to the sun-filled days when they were all together. The next thing she noticed was his smell. It was familiar, and comforting. She used to love it when she was younger. It was clean, warm, and filled with the wisdom and maturity he always seemed to emanate. He always seemed so strong to her when she was a child. Like nothing could hurt him, and he could take care of her through anything. He was her protector, and because of him the golden-haired girl felt strong as well.

But then he was gone, along with all the other young Sohmas. Kisa was left stranded, her protector far away and all the problems of being a teenager flooded her. It had seemed so hopeless...but now...

'_Now...what...?'_

She was in his arms, safe and cared for. Kisa prayed it would last forever.

"I'm sorry...Kisa, I'm so sorry..."

Haru whispered, his tears flowing. Sorry didn't come close to what he felt.

'_How could I have left her...? How...?'_

He wanted to hold her forever, engulfing her small body so nothing could touch her.

They both stood together for several minutes, breathing in the overwhelming feeling of being there, and exhaling it into a calmer kind of comfort. Eventually, they stepped apart.

Kisa smiled a small smile, feeling shy.

Haru gently took her hand.

"Do you want to go get something to eat?"

He asked quietly, sensing that she needed him to ask her at the moment.

She nodded, her smile growing a little bit.

He led her down the stairs to his car outside. It was small, black, and sleek but not expensive. If he had money he would have bought a motorcycle. Kisa blinked at it, wondering how on earth she had missed it earlier. She jerked her head up quickly as he let her hand go to walk around to his seat. A stab of isolation hit her, and she searched desperately for his eyes. When she found them, they were looking steadily back at her, kind and encouraging. Kisa breathed deeply and got into the car. Once they were both sitting down, he held her hand again.

"Anywhere in particular you want to go?"

"Uhm...there's a coffee shop the River Dog that's about...15 minutes away...?"

She offered.

"Oh yeah, Hana and Uo used to go there, right?"

"Yeah."

They were quiet the rest of the way, but it helped. Kisa was still trying to recover from her day, Haru was trying to figure out why he was so overwhelmed by being with her, and neither one of them knew quite what to say.

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ok ok, i know, awkward ending for a chapter, but it was either this or wait another week for more, so yeah. i'll write more soon.

until then...REVIEW!


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